


say anything

by softjace (hhwgv)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-12 01:13:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7914631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hhwgv/pseuds/softjace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon didn’t like to admit it, but Jace fascinated him. There was an element of unpredictability to Jace that intrigued Simon, but it was the fact that he was a walking ball of contradictions that drew Simon to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	say anything

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I relate to Jace and I needed it. The title is taken from _THE QUIET_ by Troye Sivan.

Simon didn’t like to admit it, but Jace fascinated him. There was an element of unpredictability to Jace that intrigued Simon, but it was the fact that he was a walking ball of contradictions that drew Simon to him.

Jace was guarded, but soft and open at the same time, his mismatched eyes portraying every ounce of emotion he wished to hide. He was a warrior – violence and death danced in his clenched fists – but he touched Simon with such gentleness that it shocked him. Jace acted like he wasn’t afraid of anything, but fear simmered beneath the black runes that littered his skin.

Things had been different, though, ever since Jace got back. His cocky demeanor and false confidence was gone, replaced by wide-eyed terror or cold nothingness. He seemed to shrink into himself, getting lost in the darkness of who he thought he was.

Simon didn’t say anything at first – he didn’t think that there was anything he could say to make it better. “ _I’m sorry your dad isn’t who you thought he was_ ,’ was a stupid thing to say and would probably do nothing but tear the wound further.

Instead, Simon just watched. He made a mental note of all the times Jace disappeared, which happened more at the Institute than anywhere else, and Jace always seemed to shut down when he was asked how he was doing or when someone brought up Valentine. Most people had enough common sense that they didn’t ask him about Valentine, but Simon could sometimes hear people whispering about it when he came to the Institute – if he could hear it, Jace could hear it.

Over time, Jace had grown more comfortable around Simon – they didn’t need to talk, although Simon did, his inane chatter was a good distraction from the dark thoughts that tugged at the corners of Jace’s mind – so Simon was only mildly shocked when he opened his door to find Jace standing awkwardly on the other side, dark circles beneath his eyes.

“Jace?” was all Simon said. He knew that Jace would retreat if he asked too many questions.

“Can I come in?” Jace asked.

Simon nodded, throwing the door open. His apartment was dark, most of the light filtering in through the open windows. He moved to turn on the light but Jace grabbed his wrist, his grip impressively soft, his hand warm against Simon’s cold skin. “Don’t,” there was something in Jace’s voice that Simon hadn’t heard before, “please.”

“Okay,” Simon replied, watching closely as Jace flopped onto the couch.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Jace explained without meeting Simon’s gaze. “I– I came here because you don’t sleep and I thought…” his words trailed off as Simon sat down next to him, their shoulders brushing. There were times when Simon hated having a tiny couch, but this wasn’t one of them.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Simon offered, trying to act casual. Jace didn’t usually come to his house – this was the first time, actually. They usually met at the Institute or Simon would join Jace when he was on patrol. This was an entirely new territory.

Silence stretched between the two of them as they sat on Simon’s couch in the dark, listening to the muted noises of the city at night. It wasn’t uncomfortable, Simon thought, but he could practically hear Jace thinking of what to say – there had to be a reason he came here.

“How do you make it all stop?” Jace asked finally, his voice quiet. “How do you stop thinking… remembering?” Simon opened his mouth to say something when Jace added, “And don’t say time, because that’s bullshit.”

Simon couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbled up in his chest. “Sorry,” he said as he regained his composure. “I wasn’t going to say time,” he continued, “I promise.” He took a moment to think, to gather his thoughts in a way that would make sense.

“You can’t, sometimes,” Simon admitted. He knew it wasn’t what Jace wanted to here, but it was the truth. “I mean, you could always get a warlock to take the memories like Clary’s mom did, but the hard times shape us into who we are, you know? But sometimes bad things happen for no reason – terrible things to good people, and all that – and there’s nothing you can do but live through it and hope that things will get better.” Simon knows that he’s rambling but he can’t stop himself. “Sometimes distractions help, especially if you’re trying to forget. Like, doing things that you like or things that make you happy or things that you want to do just because you can do them. Personally, if I wanna distract myself, I watch a TV show or movie that I really like…” he finally forced himself to shut up.

“Can we do that?”

It wasn’t what Simon was expecting to hear, but he was happy to oblige. “Sure.” He nodded, trying to think of something lighthearted to watch.

Simon smiled when he felt Jace’s head drop onto his shoulder. Jace was warm and tired and for a moment Simon could almost forget that he was a vampire. If his heart still beat, it would have stopped when Jace nestled closer to him. He didn’t dare moving – he didn’t want to wake Jace when this was probably the first time Jace had gotten a decent amount of sleep in the past few weeks.

The night sky was starting to lighten when Jace  stirred, his eyes fluttering open. He groaned and stretched and Simon felt butterflies stirring in his stomach.

“Sorry, I fell asleep.” Jace’s voice was hoarse and he pushed himself into a sitting position.

“It’s okay,” Simon replied, a smile on his face. “At least you got some sleep.”

“Yeah,” Jace said, “a little.” He smiled at Simon. “Thanks for letting me crash. The Institute just… doesn’t feel right anymore.”

“Well, you can stay here whenever you need to,” Simon offered. He meant it, too. Ever since they let Camille go and betrayed Raphael, Simon had felt quite lonely. His apartment was bare and empty and didn’t really feel like home yet.

Jace came over nearly every night after that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed!!


End file.
